Momoe Nagisa: My regret
by basalisk120
Summary: Momoe Nagisa, once a Magical girl and often a Witch, is Madoka's second lieutenant as a bearer of the Law of cycles. Like Sayaka, she accepted this duty because she had one last regret, but what happened to her after Madoka took her in after her untimely death, before she decided to help save Homura? Started off as a short drabble, became something a little longer than planned...


I love my Mami-san. She's ever so special to me. You know, I never thought anyone could ever be so important to me before I knew about her.

In a weird way, I knew about my Mami before I ever met her. I knew her almost as well as anyone, in fact. I never met her at all until I died, but when I did, and Madoka-sama took me up to spend the rest of eternity with her, I found out about Mami, and all the time I'd spent with her.

I didn't understand it at first, but Madoka-sama was patient with me. Because I had a lot to do with her friends over all the different times, she said, I was more deeply connected to all the things that had happened once, but had now never happened, and so I could remember them now that I was dead. I was confused, so she opened my eyes, and she showed me.

I wasn't happy, when I was alive. Mummy had been sick for a long time, and she was really all I had left. I knew she wasn't ever going to get better, so I asked Kyubey to help me enjoy the time I still had left with her. But when Mummy died, I… Couldn't go on anymore. The gem I'd just been given got all dark and cloudy, and then I felt weak. The next thing I knew, Madoka-sama was there for me, all kindness and smiles. I didn't feel so bad after that, but I was sad that she couldn't take me to see my Mummy. She wasn't a Magical girl, apparently, so Madoka-sama couldn't save her soul like she did mine.

But then, she told me that this wasn't the first world, and I had lived before. Eager to see Mummy again, I asked her to show me – to show me everything. Madoka-sama is kind and gentle, and so she let me see it all, but she looked sad as she let me. I didn't understand, at first.

Madoka-sama had told me that things were different in the old timelines, and that things were weird and disjointed from one to the next after Homura-san changed things trying to save Madoka-sama. I didn't understand that, but I let her explain. Then, I started to live my other lives, and for a while, I felt happy! The early timelines were sweet, and kind to me and Mummy. Kyubey never found me, so I never contracted, and so I never died. But Mummy still did. It always took a lot longer than it took in my timeline, the real one, but she always died, and I cried as I attended her funeral. There was really only me there, each time. Me and Mummy, being put in the ground. I cherished the moments where she was alive though, and I never let myself forget them.

But as the times went by, things did change. The first time I contracted, it scared me. Dying felt much more painful this time, and I cried and sobbed and whimpered and clawed at the space in my chest where my soul should have been. And then… Things got blurred, weird. Madoka-sama told me I'd become a Witch, a weird thing that doesn't exist in the real world anymore, born of my sorrow and hate. I was strange and small, and the world was warped and scary. I wanted to be afraid, but my new body couldn't feel anything like that. She only begged for cheese, but there wasn't any in the world I'd made around myself. She was sad, and lonely, and the servants didn't understand us. She just sat at a lonely tea party in a world made of mocking cake, and she… I only cared for cheese.

Then I met Mami. Oh my, I met my Mami-san. I felt her presence when she came, like a princess in a fairy story and yet like the knight at the same time. When I saw her, I felt my Witchy little body (and even the big one inside) feel scared of her, and the other girl that Madoka-sama explained used to be herself. But we also felt fascinated by her, and her powers, as we 'fought'. She was pretty and yellow, like cheese, my body thought, but because I was still me inside and just watching through my horrid Witchy eyes, I was excited too, because she was so pretty and smiley, and the only happy thing I'd seen since I became a Witch. Together with Madoka-sama, they killed me, and the big me inside the little me, and everything went black. That was the first time I died in a timeline. Usually they just ended when this big storm came, which Madoka told me was really this super big Witch called Walpurga-something that had killed her and all her friends a lot when she wasn't God. I didn't understand, or know who her friends were besides Mami, but I let her talk to me. She was company, now I was dead, because the others couldn't understand us. They weren't close to Madoka-sama like I was, she explained, and so they didn't remember their past selves. Except for the other ten girls that Madoka-sama said were like me, but they were bigger than I was and they scared me a little. Finding out what they had done scared them a lot, and Madoka-sama had to spend a lot of her time comforting them. But she didn't mind. Madoka-sama is kind. Madoka-sama loves us all, and it's very sweet.

A lot of my times after that featured being a Witch, and of the first twenty or so times, it was always Mami-san that killed me, though she wasn't often alone. That was all I knew of her at first, of her as a kind-looking warrior that killed me and the big me with ease, with the help of her friends. I felt jealous in a couple lives about her friends, but I knew she deserved them. She was beautiful and she smiled, why wouldn't she have friends? So I didn't argue with fate when she shot me through the head and put me out of my misery. I didn't want to be a Witch anyway, they were scary and hurt people.

When outside of my timelines, and back with Madoka-sama and the others, I discovered that I could either be the real me or the pretend me whenever I wanted. The others liked to be their Witchy forms more often, and Madoka-sama said it helped them cope better with what they had done. I said I understood, but I didn't. My little me was cute, but the big me inside was scary and I didn't like it, so I was usually my human form. Madoka-sama said that was a good thing and that I was pretty, which was kind of her.

The first time Mami-san saved me, I never forgot it. I was all ready to become a Witch, and I'd got quite good at feeling when it was coming, but at the last second, Mami came into the room, and I have never felt happier. Instead of shooting me between my ugly Witchy eyes, she came and hugged me, and squeezed me tight and told me everything was gonna be okay. My old me, my timeline me, didn't know her and was so confused, but she was pretty and warm, and so very soft, and when she hugged me and told me it was gonna be alright, I believed her.

Because my Mummy was gone now, I let Mami take me in, and she was super kind to me. Madoka-sama as a human was nice to me too, and Sayaka-san, the silly blue-haired girl was nice to me too, but Mami was special. She was kind and sweet and smelled of warm hugs, and when I got scared or sad in the night, she'd hold me close and stroke my hair, and then make me treats the next day. I loved treats, and I thanked her every day. But I never lived as long as her. I was sad to leave her that time, and I'm glad I couldn't see how sad she was without me. She treated me like a little sister.

After a while, I… Started to prefer those times to the ones that I survived and got to live with Mummy. I love Mummy with all my heart, but we were so sad together, and even when we smiled, I wanted to cry. But with Mami-san, we were always smiling and happy! She really went out of her way to be nice to me, even when the storm started to get closer, and Sayaka-chan started to get sad, and even in the times that she died and became a Witch like me and it was really scary! I didn't want to fight her, to hurt her, and the real me knew how much it hurt to be a Witch, even though you can't remember your friends. Mami took it really badly though, and the pain sometimes even killed her too. That was the first time I ever saw Mami-san breaking. I thought she was invincible, before, but she was fragile and scared like me, and she liked to have me around because it made her less lonely.

But the times kept coming and going, and things got more and more broken… I killed my Mami.

The first time it happened, I had to stop. I left my timelines and went to find Madoka-sama, so I could cry with her. We cried for ages, with me doing most of the crying, but then she had to go, and I had to cry by myself for a while. I couldn't get the taste out of my mouth, when the big me inside the little me leapt out and ate her… She was so pretty and kind, it was wrong of a world to be allowed to exist where my Mami-san could die like that. I wondered if that was why Madoka-sama changed the universe? I decided to ask her when she came back, but when she did she had someone with her.

It was Sayaka-san, the nice blue-haired girl that had gotten sad and became a Witch. Madoka-sama said I should help her out if we got sad, because we understood each other a lot. Sayaka said it really wasn't like that, but she didn't seem sad at all so I didn't mind. I showed her how to see all the other times when she started to get confused, and I showed her how to become a Witch or not when it happened by accident and scared her. Her story was almost as sad as mine, and she never survived all the way to the storm. She was always too sad. She said things were different though, this time, and she didn't have any regrets. She'd just been defeated. I agreed, but she looked a lot more wistful after a couple weeks. Madoka-sama spent a lot of time with her too, now that all the other girls had calmed down. She said they'd always been best friends, but I didn't ask Madoka-sama why her best friend hadn't always been Mami-san instead. Sayaka was nice to me, and pretty, but Mami was nicer and prettier still. I wish I'd got to know her in the real world.

Eventually, I got brave enough to ask Sayaka about the real Mami-san. Sayaka smiled and ruffled my hair, and said she was okay, but she had a faraway look in her eyes, that looked like she was missing something. I didn't miss anything anymore, I just wanted to see more of my Mami. But Madoka-sama had asked me to be Sayaka's friend, so I was kind to her, and sat with her. She wasn't as experienced with being dead, after all. But she didn't look all through her timelines like I did. She said she was happy and didn't really care much about what she left behind, because she was at peace, and she only looked because she wanted to clear what was in her memory from the other times and what was real. But after a while, I saw her look at the memories she had with the fiery spear girl, the scary one that killed lots of Witches with a scary smile, and I had to ask Sayaka who she was.

Sayaka-san seemed surprised at that. She told me her name was Sakura Kyouko, and she was… Well, she was confused when she told me, which made me confused. She said she and Kyouko hated each other, but became friends before she had died. And when she looked back at her memories, Sayaka said that there was something else that she could never quite understand between them, and that they always ever seemed to become friends just before she died. Sayaka said Kyouko-san died fighting Sayaka as a Witch, but I couldn't understand, because when I saw bits of Sayaka-san's memory, I could see that Kyouko was a strong Magical girl that wasn't scared of Witches like I was when I was a Magical girl. Sayaka didn't explain any further than that, and made her memories private. She was smiling happily, but she was often crying too.

I started to hate my times as I got closer to the real one, as the times when I ate Mami-san happened more and more often. I felt so bad for hurting her, the special big sister that was always so kind to me. She didn't look so happy in these ones anymore, either. I always cut them off before I ate her, in those ones. I'd see Homura-san too, occasionally, there for a few moments before she killed me. I hated these recent times, and I didn't watch them very often. Instead, I looked after Sayaka, and I was happy when she stopped crying. But she still looked like she was missing something, and when we were alone, she told me that she had found one last regret. I didn't know what she meant, but I thought it had something to do with Kyouko-san. She was always watching memories about her, and liked to talk about her a lot.

To be honest, I don't know what the problem was about having regrets. I had a big one – I wanted to say sorry to Mami, and be by her side in case she got Lonely. Now Sayaka-san was dead and Madoka-sama didn't exist anymore, she wouldn't have much company. I wished I could see how she was, so I went to Madoka-sama. I hadn't seen her in a while, she was so busy running the universe right.

Madoka-sama was worried, though, which was weird. She told me she was worried about Homura-san, that she thought Kyubey and all the other Kyubeys might do something to her. I was worried for her too, but I was more worried about Mami-san, so I asked her if I could see her. Madoka-sama looked worried for a bit, but agreed and showed me how. I felt happy, knowing I could finally see the real Mami.

But it was sad, too. Mami was friends with Kyouko, as Madoka-sama told me she always had been, but they had an argument once, and with Homura-san too, but she looked horribly lonely and sat at home a lot, crying. I felt awful again, but there was nothing I could do to help her.

Sayaka watched with me a lot, though, which made things feel a little better. She said she wanted to check up on all her old friends, but she liked to see Kyouko the most. We argued about who we should watch the most, but Sayaka won because she's older.

Then came the night where everything got weird. Our view got all broken and distorted, and we couldn't see anyone for a few days. Madoka said not to worry, and to go and spend time with the others while she fixed it all. But she looked scared, and we didn't want to spend time with the others. They were better now, but they were still Witchier than we were, and they weren't very nice to Sayaka-san, and said mean things about our friends. Especially the one that looked like a scribbly girl crying all the time. Sayaka said that they had bad history, and they never looked at each other.

Then Sayaka went away to write a letter, and said she didn't want to be bothered, so I was all by myself again. I felt lonely and a bit Witchy, and practiced making my face like Charlotte, the little Witch me. It made me look funny, and I wished I could show someone else. But everyone else was either busy or scary, so I was alone. Then Madoka came back, and she looked scared.

She explained to us that all the Kyubeys had taken Homura's soul gem just as she was supposed to become a Witch and frozen it, and Mami-san and Kyouko had been sucked into a big Witch barrier that Homura was making around herself. Madoka-sama wanted to save them all, but she knew that they were trying to capture her through Homura-san, so she needed to be sneaky, and thus needed us. She wanted us to come with her back into the real world, secretly, and keep her memories safe while we all waited for the right moment to break Homura out and take her back to heaven, so that Madoka-sama could be with her forever. She never told us, but I think Madoka-sama loves her, like how I think Sayaka-san loves Kyouko-san. I asked her once, but she just got angry and then sad, so I never asked her again.

Madoka-sama said that if we didn't want to help it was fine, because it was wrong to ask favours of dead people, but I was happy to go. I needed to keep my Mami-san safe, after all! I'd seen her crying alone, and I could never let myself see that again. Sayaka agreed too, saying she needed to fix her regret. So we took Madoka's memories, and she became the normal one from the old times, and we joined into Homura's barrier.

It was weird, really. It was only as big as Mitakihara, and me and Sayaka could see that, but nobody else noticed and nearly everyone else was fake anyway. But the others were real! It was hard to mesh myself into the times, right. I wanted to be with Mami for as long as I could, so I dived into Mami-san's memories while the barrier was rewriting them. I wanted to find her not long after she contracted, so we could be happy and smiley together and she'd never need to be lonely. But at the last minute I got scared, and when she found me I turned into the little me, and got all frightened. What could I say to my Mami-san? I loved my big sister; she's so special to me! But she wouldn't remember that, so I became little and cute, instead.

I was nervous at first, and Mami-san thought I might have been a nightmare, but I was harmless and I followed her so she took me in. I couldn't talk at first, and moving was hard too. I felt bad for staying in this form, but in only a few minutes it was way too late to turn back without ruining Madoka-sama's plan, so I stayed as I was. At nights, when she was sleeping, I became the real me again, because it was more comfortable, but I made sure she never saw me, and when her memories became the present, I was kinder, stronger and better than before, and I'd learned to speak a kind of gibberish that she and her friends could understand. Sayaka-san teased me in our meetings for being 'Bebe', as Mami-san called me, but I didn't mind. I was with my Mami-san now, and that was all that mattered. I love my Mami-san.

(In case it was indecipherably vague, the 'scribbly girl crying all the time' was supposed to be Nagisa's interpretation of Elsa Maria in her witch form. )

**Anyways, thanks for reading it, and I hope you enjoyed yourself! Any feedback of any kind is encouraged, as ever!**


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